Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Heavy Arms

Oh man. I haven,t written anything here in a while. Luckily, I don,t care and neither does anybody else. All I care about are the beans I,m currently cooking. I,ve been shopping for groceries at the poor people store lately and it,s cool, but instead of buying normal, human style beans, I bought split pintos. I,m just trying to refry these turkeys so it should be fine, but I,m still concerned because all of the skins slid off of the beans as soon as they hit the water and that was weird. Whatever. They still have the same ingredients (just pinto beans) as the normal ones I buy so it,ll probably be fine.

I got sick about a week ago. That was cool. It only lasted four or five days and it wasn,t super gnarly and it,s already gone so it didn,t even really happen if you ask me. It didn,t stop me from doing much. That,s the real measurement of being sick. I still got to do almost anything I wanted. I was just being an annoying baby and sniffling all the time. That,s all.
Young Thug - Slime Season 3
I still haven,t found a house cool enough to live in. I looked at a weird one yesterday in a gross industrial area. One of the rooms was painted with blood and one of the closets was referred to as a ,,bedroom.,, It wasn,t for me. Luckily, I don.t need to get a house this second since I already have a bedroom to sleep in.

What I do need is a car. Mine will explode soon so I have been looking and waiting for one. I,ve been looking to see how much dumb cars cost and I,ve been waiting to hear back from the depths of the state to find out if they,re going to give me a ton of money for my trash car because I,m poor and they don,t want it on the road. Who knows if they,ll tell me before I die from inhaling the poison that my car exhales? I don,t know. That,s for sure.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016


All I ever do anymore is eat muffins. It,s great. I learned how to make them recently and I just keep doing it. I had three this morning and I,ll probably have another one later. I,m truly living the American dream. I get paid to do nothing and I eat muffins whenever I want. Also, I have to poop. I think that is integral to the American dream.

My Death Cab For Cutie cover band started recording another album the other day which is absolutely insane since we just finished recording two months ago. What a small group of morons we are. What,s even better is that we are paying for this ourselves rather than swindling our bosses to pay for it and, on top of that, it really does sound like we,re a Death Cab For Cutie cover band now. Usually, it sounds like we,re a Nirvana cover band, but not today.
El Guincho - Pop Negro
I have no idea what is going to happen with this new record. It,s very possible that nothing is going to happen. I can,t really imagine our benevolent dictators to be so benevolent as to agree to buy this record from us even though it doesn,t sound anything like our band. We will see. If they don,t like it, I guess we will just have bought ourselves an incredibly expensive joke. It,s good to do that sometimes. It,s good to waste money that you don,t have.

It,ll probably take forever to finish this one. We wanted the last one done in two weeks and it took four so this one will probably take nine months since we,re not giving ourselves a deadline. Also, our friend who records everything for us knows that we,re not paying him very much so I am certain that this is not a priority for him. It shouldn,t be. He,d be a fool and I wouldn,t want to record with him if it were.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Actually Happening

I feel like I,m losing my brain. That,s usual, but right now it,s for a very specific reason. I have been looking for something so much lately. It,s consuming me. I haven,t started having dreams about it, but once I do, it,ll already be too late. I,ll be a goner. The little functioning bit in my head will be reduced to slimy mush. I can,t wait.

I,m looking for a house. I am definitely not looking to buy a house because I am not a millionaire or absolutely insane. I,m looking for a house to rent because as much as I really like my current smelly apartment, it would be nice to have a place that is a bit bigger and a whole lot quieter. My upstairs neighbor, who is generally very quiet, started playing reggaeton very early Christmas morning and hasn,t stopped yet. Also, I got a sweet little letter in the mail a while ago letting me know that my rent is going to go up next month. That,ll be fun.
Tenniscoats - Papa,s Ear
I figured that I might as well spend a bit more money for a quieter place without any shared walls rather than pay more for no improvements whatsoever. One of my neighbors keeps yawning so frequently and with such power that I,m not completely convinced that he,s not ejaculating each time. It,s worrying and gross. Another one of my neighbors snores so loudly that it sounds like I,m sharing a bed with them.

All I do all day is scour the earth,s internet for small house in a part of town that isn,t super gnarly that I can afford. It,s proving to be quite the white whale. I thought I had found one, but I never got any responses to my numerous emails and when I went and looked at the house, the back door had been kicked in. This meant that I was able to walk around and touch things in there without anybody,s permission, but it may also mean that the owner and/or previous tenants were murdered to death. Who knows?

Monday, January 25, 2016

Looking At It

I haven,t written anything on here in a month and nobody cares, especially me. I feel like I have been busy. Who knows if that,s true, though. Sometimes my brain thinks I,m busy when I,m not. Speaking of my brain being an idiot, I have been having horrible dreams lately. To me, any dream is horrible because I usually don,t have dreams so I get a deep, black, restful sleep. Not recently, though. It,s been a mess of fighting and terror while I sleep.

I was in the snow for a while last week. That was good. I haven,t frozen parts of my body in a long time. I almost fell through a frozen lake. I watched all of The Godfather movies edited together into a fifty hour long monstrosity. I ate popcorn. I slept with the window open and I enjoyed it all a great deal. I also saw a duck standing on leg that was likely frozen to death.
Dorothy Ashby - Soft Winds
After that, I came home, but haven,t been there at all which is very strange for me. I usually only exist within the walls of my smelly apartment, but not now. Not this year. Things are different. I have been driving places and doing things. I wonder how long it will last. Nothing in my life is sustainable.

My Death Cab For Cutie cover band is about to record another album. That,s insane. We finished last month and we,re going to do another one in a couple of weeks. This one will probably take forever and I will hopefully care about it even less than the last one. I cannot believe I chose such an expensive, time consuming hobby. I am too old for everything.